Update & An Exciting Announcement!!

So sorry it's been a while. Many of you may have already heard that as soon as Jonathan's old burned out computer was trashed and the hard drives were destroyed my laptop completely crashed. When I say as soon as...I mean the exact same day. So we have been computerless for a few weeks but we finally saved up enough to get a new laptop last week and here we are again!

A few quick updates then we have a big announcement.

A few quick updates:

1-I have been at the new branch near my house for almost a month and I am LOVING it!! I save on gas and food because I live so close I can just drive home for lunch and I get to make my own lunch which saves on eating out. I also love my coworkers...they are all really awesome and they treat me like gold which is a HUGE thing in the workplace these days. I love feeling wanted and loved and appreciated!!!

2-Jonathan is still loving his job at the hospital and has had some difficulties with it recently but is still happy with it anyway which makes me happy.

3-We got this new beautiful laptop to replace the two that died and we are loving it!! I know I already said that but I wanted to reiterate the fact that we are making progress in getting the things we need to make life more simple/comfortable!!

4-We started making a family improvement plan to help us with our struggles with Jonathan's bipolar disorder and we're hoping that it will just help improve our relationship as a couple and bring us closer together. I always believe there is always something to work on in relationships and this is a tool that I think will help us build a strong marriage and family. It includes many various activities we can do together (i.e. read together, watch uplifting movies together, exercise together, go on dates together, work on spirituality together, etc.) and building a good stable routine to keep up on the house and hygiene and all that fun stuff! I'm excited about it! I love having routines...things just seem to flow smoother when we're in routines plus it's incredibly good for Jonathan's bipolar!

And here's the big announcement:

If you noticed above in the family plan we talked about working on our spirituality. Jonathan and I have decided to start going to our local LDS church to see if it is something we can both incorporate in our lives together. We had talked many times about having kids someday and desiring to raise them in a healthy, religious atmosphere so they can gain a good moral basis and be raised in a good environment with good friends and make them strong in their own convictions. I have researched many churches and maybe I'm a little biased because I was raised LDS and although I have made MANY mistakes throughout my life (as everyone does) I still feel that I turned out ok and that would be how I'd want to raise my children someday. Not to mention it would be really good to have the gospel in my own life again...the support it gives is phenomenal and I think that having so many good people who share my values in my life would be really healthy for me and Jonathan both.

I honestly didn't think that Jonathan would be up for even testing out the church. He was born and raised Catholic and he had gone a different direction with his life. He wasn't actively attending church and he was quite the party boy. He made some really bad decisions in his life that led him down a really bad path and he had to find his way back to normalcy. Part of the risky behaviors and bad decisions are chalked up to his bipolar and not really knowing about it or understanding it...they call it self-medicating. Most bipolars struggle with drugs and alcohol and other "risky behaviors" and Jonathan had his fair share of all of that. He surprised me when we were dating because I mentioned that maybe I would want to start going to church again to see if it's for me and he agreed to come with me to my oldest sister's ward. It surprised me that he liked it and even more that we were going regularly for about 8 months starting in January this year. We stopped going, however, because it was getting difficult for me to attend when I wasn't sure that Jonathan was really ok with it. I wasn't sure that it would be something we could do if he was unwilling to really apply the things we learned to our daily lives and if he wasn't planning on getting baptized to become a member of the church it must be because he wasn't ok with it fully and I really think it's important to be on the same page as far as religion is concerned. So I struggled with it for those reasons and others.

Today we went to our own home ward for the first time. I have never actually had my own ward so it was scary to say the least. We made my little sister come with us for moral support. In Sacrament meeting there was a speaker from someone in the stake or high council or something (I'm sorry...I forgot what his calling was) and he talked about the importance of tithing which was a really good talk and I learned a lot. After his talk, the bishop spoke about trials and their purpose in life and how we can learn and grow from them. Jonathan started tearing up a bit and pretended to be yawning (I thought it was a yawn..hahaha) and afterwards we met two members of the bishopric...one of which got all of our information and showed us to our Sunday School class. In Sunday School we were learning about Pure Religion and reading from the book of James. We learned a lot of good stuff and we got to James Chapter 1 Verse 5 that says: "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." LDS members all know why that scripture has significance. That scripture is the one that inspired Joseph Smith to pray in the sacred grove where he saw a vision of God and Jesus Christ who revealed their plan for this church to be brought to earth. Joseph Smith is considered the first prophet of the LDS church. What a powerful scripture that is. Anyway, when we came across that scripture my little sister and I explained to Jonathan the significance of that scripture and how that is how the LDS church eventually came to be. Something struck a chord with Jonathan in Sacrament Meeting already and a bit in Sunday School. He leaned over to me and whispered that he wasn't sure he'd be able to make it through the next meeting (Priesthood for him/Relief Society for me). I thought it was because his stomach had been growling and he may be uncomfortable there and maybe just wanted to go home.

After the closing prayer was given in Sunday School, Jonathan bee-lined over to the bishop and told him we needed to sit down with him. The bishop said that we could set up an appointment and meet later after church but Jonathan told him it was necessary now. We headed into the bishop's office while Jonathan was explaining that he wasn't a member and that I was an inactive member. My sister took a seat in the foyer while we had our meeting. We sat down in his office and Jonathan said to the bishop, "I was listening to your talk in Sacrament and you moved me...I want to start down the path towards baptism." I was SHOCKED!!! I whirled my head around and looked at him with my jaw dropped and said, "WHAT?!!!" He went on about how he doesn't know what happened really but he was touched and wants to start down the road towards baptism. The bishop, obviously pleased and excited for us both, gave us the numbers to the area's missionaries and Jonathan has agreed to take the missionary discussions! I am still shocked now, as I'm writing this! I never expected this. I didn't even know if we were going to be coming back to church the next week because it was so complicated for us both to go when he felt so strongly about not being baptized. I don't know what changed but I feel that between the bishop's inspiring talk and the amazing Sunday School lesson something resonated with Jonathan and he made the choice entirely on his own. I am so proud of him for making such a difficult choice without any help from anyone at all. He felt inspired to do this on his own and that is something amazing to me. So tomorrow Jonathan is calling the missionaries and we'll set the first appointment with them.

I know that this may shock a lot of my friends because I haven't been religious for many years but I honestly have felt very deeply that I need to work on my spirituality. I feel that there is something missing in my life that could help me through all the trials in life. My goal is to get to a state of peace within myself and within the world. I feel that this is going to help. I am so nervous to go back for many reasons but it is something I feel will contribute immensely to my well-being and happiness and now I believe it will contribute to Jonathan's happiness and well-being too. I am not saying by any means that the LDS church is the ONLY way to go. I truly think there is good in almost every religion. I think that this is the one that works for me and I really believe this is the best path for us. I am overcome with emotion from all of this but mostly I am excited. I am excited to start this path with Jonathan and I'm excited to start doing something better with my life. I hope it will all work out for us and that it will be a good experience for us and help us lead a full life. Wish us luck!!

Good News and Fun Times!!!

I have some GREAT news!!! I am finally transferring out of my current branch and moving on to a better work environment!!! I have one week left at my current branch and on October 17th I start at the new branch!! I am so excited to be in a better place!!! I hope it works out well for me!! There's many reasons that it will inevitably be better for me...it's closer to my house making my commute easier and saving on gas, I'll be able to go home for lunch saving on eating out and being able to comply with my diet a little easier, and I'll be working with two of my favorite coworkers!! I am nervous to go back to this branch just because times have changed and things will be different there but I'm just hoping that I won't be in such a hostile work environment and that I will actually be appreciated there! Wish me luck!!!

Yesterday I had to work and I was trying to get out early so we could drive up to Logan for my niece's 4th birthday party! Everyone else was heading up earlier in the morning but I was scheduled til 3:15. I did have a half an hour of overtime that I needed to make up (we aren't allowed overtime pay unless it's absolutely necessary) so one of my bosses arranged for me to be off at 2:45! I got to work and the other boss remembered that I wanted to go up there to be with my family and she let me leave at 1:00 instead!!! I was SO excited for that!!! That RARELY happens for me so I was incredibly thankful!! We drove up to Logan and I changed out of my work clothes and almost immediately we headed off for a round of miniature golf!!! The course was all decked out in Halloween decor and was playing Halloween music so it was a really fun game of mini golf!!! Of course most of us were cheating but we weren't keeping score so it was fun just to get out and have fun with the family!!! When we finished our game we headed off to dinner at Old Grist Mill...kind of like a Subway but BETTER...MUCH MUCH better!!! I had a half turkey sandwich and a cup of their delicious cream of potato soup!! YUM!!! We enjoyed it!! After dinner we went back to my sister's house to relax and enjoy each other's company. We headed for home at about 8:30 and when we got there it was definitely bedtime!!! It was such a fun day and I'm so glad I got the opportunity to go spend time with my family!! I am so happy whenever I get to see my cute niece's!!! My sisters took some fun pictures so I will post those when I get them!! All in all it was such a fun day yesterday and today is dedicated to relaxing and cleaning up the house! I also plan to have a Doris Day marathon!!! :D Good times!!

Rip:60 Update Week 2

Ok...so Week 2:Hyper Burn was a COMPLETE BUST!!! Monday I was so stressed out because work was incredibly stressful and my legs were killing me so much so that when I got home and tried to do my workout I quit a quarter of the way through it and laid on the couch and watched the rest of the video play out...yeah...REAL productive, I know! Haha! Then it seemed every day after that I had kinda given up on working out for the rest of the week and blew it off every day. I am proud to say, however, I have been coca-cola free for one week!!! My last Coca-Cola was on Saturday, the 1st of October!! The headaches were bad at first but now they are not nearly as intense as they were those first few days! I think that mostly I'm getting headaches from stress now. Still...we need to exercise...so Jonathan and I have decided to commit to starting Week 2 over again this week and making sure we follow through with it!! I gotta be honest...it is incredibly hard to find the motivation to continue with the workout schedule after having such a bad week but in order for us to be healthy we MUST exercise! I'm glad we are sticking to it, though, instead of just throwing in the towel. Anyway...hopefully this week will be a success!!!

Week 1 Self-Assessment:
My 3 Biggest Successes This Week:
1. Sticking with the diet
2. Being conscious of the beverages I drink
3. Making healthier choices while eating out

My 3 Biggest Weaknesses This Week:
1. Blowing off exercising
2. Stressing out about missing the workouts
3. Being too hard on myself for cheating

3 Areas I Feel I Improved On This Week:
1. Focusing on what I put into my body
2. Continuing to eat breakfast in the mornings
3. Not completely giving up by committing to start Week 2 over again

3 Areas I Feel I Need To Improve On Next Week:
1. Making more of an effort to work out
2. Follow through with ALL days of exercise
3. Being more motivated

Rip:60 Update Week 1

So today marks the last day of Week 1 of the Rip:60!! Week 1 was called Waking Up Your Body and I hope that my body is awake now and ready to work it out for the next 7 weeks!!! I have to say...for someone who HATES exercising and has problems with eating I did pretty dang good!!! I only missed one day of working out (Friday) but I did it the rest of the week!!! That is such a HUGE accomplishment for me!!! The week started out rough...eating some unhealthy items but trying to incorporate healthy foods into my routine little by little. I struggled to do some of the exercises that was required but by the end of the week I definitely felt like I was making progress learning them!! I thought that I'd be just so completely drained but I am actually feeling a tiny bit better than usual, which is a VERY good thing!!! :D I'm so proud of myself and I am so happy that I have stuck with it even when it was hard this week! Next week frightens me...I am giving up my biggest addiction...Coca-Cola....my favorite drink in the world!!! I have tried many times to quit drinking soda but it is incredibly hard when it is so cheap and so available everywhere you go!! It's going to be a rough week next week but I'm determined to stick to the diet and stick to the exercise routine! I'm so happy that we get Saturdays and Sundays to rest!!! I think if this was a 7 day workout routine I'd probably not do it! I work hard but I need time to relax and play! Hopefully I will get my body where I need it to be!!

Week 1 Self-Assessment:
My 3 Biggest Successes This Week:
1. Sticking to the workout schedule
2. Pushing myself to do better each day
3. Keeping a good attitude about it

My 3 Biggest Weaknesses This Week:
1. Drinking too much soda
2. Eating unhealthy food for lunches during the week
3. Missing Friday's workout

3 Areas I Feel I Improved On This Week:
1. Focusing on what I put into my body
2. Actually eating breakfast as often as possible
3. Working hard to do a little better on the exercises each day

3 Areas I Feel I Need To Improve On Next Week:
1. Drinking absolutely NO soda
2. Follow through with ALL days of exercise
3. Improve my form while doing the exercises

I DID IT!!!!

‎We just finished Week 1: Day 1 of the rip:60!!!! I didn't do so great in the morning...cinnamon bears and a Coke for breakfast, Arby's Jr Roast Beef (x2) and a Coke for lunch. But at least I had my water bottle mixed with my fiber in there before lunch...and dinner was healthy...lemon dill swordfish steak, wilted spinach, and balsamic rice!!! Plus I've been snacking on healthy things like yogurt and fruit! :D YAY!!!! OH....AND I KICKED Jonathan's trash on the workout!!! WOOOHOOO!!! GO ME!!!! Honestly...the fact that I worked out at all is what I'm most proud of! The rip:60 is intense!! I'm scared to death!! Week 1 is called Waking Up Your Body. You do that workout for the first week then move up to the next so every week is a new workout for the next 8 weeks. Plus there's 4 additional workouts you can do but they are optional. It also has a great menu plan for a good diet! What an adventure this will be. I've hardly worked out ever and I've NEVER been on a diet...SCARY!!! Oh well...wish me luck!! :D

We're Getting There

I am so excited!! I got the interview at the Utah State Tax Commission!! It was on Wednesday morning. It went pretty well...I think. The only thing is they told me what the starting pay was and it's .3o less an hour. Kinda a bummer seeing as money seems to be the bane of my existence lately. I hate money. It seems to control so much. NOT ANYMORE!!! I refuse to let myself become a slave to money. I hate money and I am going to learn how to make it work for me instead of working for it. Hence the reason we're starting the Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover again. I know that I have posted about it before. We actually were halfway to our goal of Baby Step 1 which is to save $1000 for an emergency savings. We had $500 of our $1000 and then....we got engaged. We spent all of our emergency savings...and then some...on the wedding. WELL worth it but still sad that we are here again...back where we started. But this time we are seriously making a huge commitment to stick to the plan. We are determined to be successful with this. Anyway...next paycheck it all starts!!

As for the job crisis...I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do. I mean...I REALLY want a job with a better work environment. Banking was never my final job goal. I actually have gone through MANY different job goals in my life. I even studied Barbering/Cosmetology in college. I quit in the 3rd semester even though I only had one semester left til I was 100% completely finished...it just was not for me. I haven't made it back to school yet but I fully intend to someday. Right now the vision is dietetics. I would love to be a clinical dietitian...at the moment...we'll have to see how that pans out. But as for now I'm stuck in banking losing my energy and drive for that job. It's a pretty rough environment to be in...especially these days with how the economy is...nobody has any money and EVERYBODY is on edge. On top of that...I'm REALLY not enjoying the branch I'm at. So I started applying for jobs. Mostly clerical/secretarial jobs. I think I've sent my application in to about a million places and I have had no success. Here's the thing...I am GREAT at interviews. Every job I've ever had an interview for...I've received a job offer. The problem is I have a limited resume. I am great at interviewing but getting the interview is a whole process in itself. I actually had given up on the tax commission job...just like the many other jobs I didn't hear back from. So I had written to one of my previous managers at another branch from earlier in my career before the divorce to see about possibly transferring and forcing a raise upon myself. The reason being I'm sick of my job...even though I'm great at it...and I'm sick of the dismal pay. So I figure if I can't get a job with a better environment I should start trying to pursue getting a raise to even out the bad environment. Basically I've been feeling like I've been working too hard for too little for far too long!

So...the day after I did that, doubting that I'll have a shot at a new job, I got the call to take the data entry test! Talk about bringing hope back into the picture!!! So I went and took the test...still awaiting to hear about the possibility of transfer but basically thinking there's a good chance that won't happen, either. So you may have read earlier that I did pass the test and get the chance to interview for that job. I went into the interview with an idea that the pay would be equal to or more than my current pay. I was wrong. VERY wrong. It's $50 less a month. So immediately I'm disappointed but then after speaking to some friends and family...I began to contemplate whether the move would be plausible...or worth it. I hadn't heard from my old manager in a few weeks so I kinda had a feeling that wasn't going to happen. Then...I randomly sent a text to one of my other friends who works at that branch and SHE brought up the transfer. She told me that all I have to do is request it from my manager and basically it's a done deal. So now I'm in a dilemma. Do I transfer to get out of the branch I'm miserable in to go to a branch that may be a tiny bit better...and I don't even know if I'll get the raise...or do I take the job with a better environment, better schedule, and better dress code but less pay? I've been talking to my family and friends about it. I have been trying to make the best decision for me and my husband. We could be ok with $50 less a month...it will be a little more difficult...but honestly...with everything that's going on with us...Jonathan's illness, my health, our debt, etc...it's really hard to decide. I have been weighing the options...pros and cons...as for now I am leaning towards the paycut for a better environment but we'll have to see. I haven't even been offered the job and I probably won't even hear about it for a week or so but I'm really hoping I get the offer so I have options. I'm nervous. I really hope I get the offer so that maybe I can make a better decision. I will have to keep you updated on it.

Honestly even though I feel as if my life is incredibly unsettled...I still feel that we're getting there. That pretty much sums it up...I feel as if we are getting there. That's what all of this fight is all about...finding our life together and settling into stability...and we're getting there. I finally feel like something good is coming for us. I feel that just around the corner is something good for us. We're getting there. I am so grateful for all the wonderful opportunities that have been presented to us. We are so lucky. We have worked hard for our life together and we still will. At least I'm finally feeling like we're getting there! I am so lucky and I am so excited to have this journey in my life. I can tell already that I am getting stronger and smarter from all of these experiences. Thank heaven for little victories!

GREAT News!!!

We finally got my car fixed...it needed a new battery!!! THANK GOODNESS that's all it was!!

I also got a call back on a job I applied for about a month ago doing data entry at the Utah State Tax Commission!!! They wanted me to do a data entry test so I went in on Tuesday and did the test. It was HARD!! They had these crazy math questions on part of it which I KNOW I bombed (hahaha) and then the typing tests. I did 9 3-minute tests and I can't remember all of my scores but I do remember getting at least over 10,000 keystrokes average with 99% accuracy...I thought that was pretty good for me. When I finished all the tests I looked around and...yeah...I was the very last person left testing still. I said (yes, out loud) "Man, I'm the last one...that's NOT good!" The HR lady just kinda laughed and gave me my final instructions and I was on my way. I left feeling pretty bummed. I thought I bombed the entire test hardcore!! I went home and pigged out on junk food and applied for 3 or 4 more jobs while I sulked. I got a call the next day from a different HR rep offering me an interview (meaning I passed the test and am still in the running for the job)! YAY!!!! The interview is on Wednesday at 8:30 so wish me luck!!! This job would be awesome because it'd be four 10-hour shifts Monday through Thursday and I'd get to wear regular street clothes (no dress code) and I'd be paid more and I'd be off by 4:30 every single day. It'd also be good for me because I'd be working in the same building as my mom!! I'd be able to be close to her and I think that would be fun! I wouldn't have to deal with customers, I'd actually get to sit down, I wouldn't have to deal with large amounts of cash/responsibilities. It would be such a good environment for me!! I really hope I get it.

Other GREAT news is that I got the results back from the Colposcopy and I don't have cancer!!! They want me to come back in about 6-12 months to do a follow up check to make sure it's going away or gone but so far I'm cancer free!!! YAY!!!!

All in all I am incredibly happy with the past week!!! I'm so excited that things are starting to even out a bit!!! I'm off tomorrow so that means time for me to continue reading my book!!! I'm going to get caught up on things around the house and relax!! I'm so excited!!! Another good thing that happened this week is last night when I got the news that I got offered the chance to interview I came home from work and Jonathan had the table all set up with a coke on ice and our beautiful martini glasses that we received for our wedding with the flowers he'd bought me earlier this week and he had cooked me a beautiful cubed steak dinner with rice and veggies and a side of beans!!! PERFECT dinner!!! After dinner he brought out a beautifully prepared plate of chocolates from Cold Stone Creamery/Rocky Mtn Chocolate Factory!!! YUM!!!! It was such a beautiful night!!! I love him!!!

Anyway...I am just so relieved with all of this great news that we've received this week and I am incredibly happy to have a week of near normalcy!! I wish I would've thought to take pictures of my beautiful dinner last night to post. Oh well...maybe next time!!! It was still a great week and I'm feeling satisfied with it! :D

Update!

Sorry...it's been pretty crazy around here for us. I just wanted to write a quick update. I'm still working hard at the bank and we recently had our audit which we passed (THANK GOODNESS!!!). Jonathan is still loving his job as head chef at the hospital.

We're still working on getting Jonathan's bipolar disorder under control. We've been working on getting into a routine because I've been reading some awesome books that are helping us out with the disorder and handling it. THIS BOOK has been my favorite so far! I'm currently reading THIS BOOK to learn more about different types of ways to manage the disease. I'm liking it so far but I'm not that far into it. (To keep up on what I'm reading currently click HERE) We've had a few rough patches on our journey to stability but I honestly feel like we've been making some progress which is GREAT!! Any progress is good progress! We are still working on getting into the therapist regularly but hopefully when that happens it'll make things a little easier on us. I'm thinking of joining a support group that meets about once a month to get my own support through it but we'll see. We also are trying to make his sleep schedule regularized and we're working on getting our diet and exercise figured out to be healthier. The healthier we are, the easier managing bipolar is. We'll keep you updated on our progress.

We are also currently dealing with my health issues, still, and it's a little slow going but we're trying to get it under control. My stomach issues are now determined by the doctors as unknown. They say that I do not have Celiac (gluten intolerant) so that's good news ( I LOVE gluten products)! I had my wonderful yearly exam a few weeks back and usually I get no calls back...just a postcard saying it came back normal. This time, however, I got a call from my doctor saying that they found some abnormalities that are pre-cancer cells in my cervix. They referred me to a specialist to do a colposcopy to look into it further. I took the news pretty hard because I feel like everything is hitting me all at once lately with work, money, dr's, and cars. It's just a test...that's all I have to think of it as. I got the test done on Thursday the 25th. They took two biopsies and sent them to the pathology lab so we're still waiting on the results. We are optimistic about it. We think it's nothing major so hopefully we are right. :D I'll let you know how those results are when we get them back.

When I got in my car the other day to go to my colposcopy...yeah...my car wouldn't start. So Jonathan had to rush out of work to come and get me and take me to the appointment himself. It wasn't such fun because they suggested I take 400-600 mg of Ibuprofen before the appointment to help relieve the pain that will be caused by the test. I didn't have any Ibuprofen so I was planning to leave way early so I could stop at the store and take some beforehand but when my car wouldn't start...that plan went out the window. I had to do it without any medication so it was kinda painful but I survived. We still don't know what's going on with my car. Jonathan got it to start but there is definitely a problem that needs to be fixed. PLUS his car's windshield was attacked by a rock on the freeway and it took a good chunk of glass out of it causing a spider-like chip in the windshield. There is now a crack spreading from there on both sides of the chip and it will soon be the entire length of the windshield. On top of that every time Jonathan's car turns it makes a knocking noise...NOT GOOD! Guess we'll be spending a lot of time at the mechanic shops over the next few months. Hopefully these car problems aren't too serious.

I applied for a job a few weeks back at the Utah State Tax Commission doing data entry and I got a call back for that last week. I'm going in on Tuesday for a data entry typing test so we'll see how that goes. I'm hoping for an interview because that job would be AWESOME for me. I would work four 10's and be off by 4:30 every night. Every weekend would be a 3-day weekend!! Plus I'd get paid more and could wear my regular street clothes...no dress code to follow. I'd be able to just plug in my iPod and work away...no customers to worry about, no standing all day, no lifting heavy boxes of coin, etc. I'm sure it'll be an incredibly boring job but I really wouldn't mind that! I'm excited to see how this goes for me. I honestly think it would be a great thing for us.

Now you know what we've been up to lately...it's been crazy but honestly we are feeling pretty positive about everything in the midst of all of this chaos so that's a really good thing! We are definitely tired and feeling pretty worn but to be feeling positive about everything that is happening is truly a relief. We're just trying to take it day by day and so far it's working pretty well for us. I promise I will try to keep up on this better...it's just been hard because it's like we have SO much going on I don't even know where to start blogging. Hopefully the next few weeks will bring some relief to our situations in life. As soon as the car situation and the doctor visits start slowing we are bound and determined to restart the Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover plan again. Gaining control over our finances will help our stress levels so much and we've been anxious to get started on that again. I'll probably be posting more about that progress as well. Thanks for reading my blog....I really appreciate you for caring enough to check in on us!

Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Going Crazy

I just have such a hard time juggling responsibilities sometimes. I wonder how so many people can get anything done when they're working full time among all the other every day responsibilities that come along with being an adult. It's hard to cope with everything sometimes. I sure could use a long vacation and some extra funds to help our situation out. Man I'm worn out.

Colonoscopy Results & First Day Of Therapy

The results are in for my colonoscopy...everything looks healthy...so far. They want to do some more blood work (how much more blood are doctors going to take from me?!!) to see if I have Celiac...an intolerance to Gluten products. I got the paperwork the other day to take to the lab and I'm going to try to get in on Saturday morning so they can draw even more blood from me to run tests. Since the colonoscopy came out normal, both on the regular colonoscopy and the biopsies, they think that the reason I'm sick all the time is because I may have this gluten intolerance which means that anything with wheat, barley, or rye will be off my menu permanently. SAD!!!! You can read more about Celiac Disease HERE. I am getting really nervous about why I'm sick all the time. I just hope it's nothing too serious. Between Jonathan's Bipolar and my poor health...we are at the doctor's office A LOT! The thing that's frustrating is that I used to be so healthy all the time. I NEVER got sick. I rarely felt under the weather and I never had to go to the dr more than my yearly woman appointments. No it seems like I'm in the doctor's office once a week or so. Oh well...hopefully they'll find out what's wrong with my body soon so I don't have to keep going all the time.

Jonathan's first day of therapy was on Monday afternoon. I was so upset because I was stuck at work and couldn't get out of it and it's really important that I go with him to therapy. I know that most people disagree with spouses going to therapy together unless it's couples therapy but with bipolar it's different. Most of the time bipolars don't pay attention or don't remember everything that is told to them and they can only remember bits and pieces of conversations. Sometimes they flat out don't comply so it's VERY important that someone who lives with them or is close to them goes with them regularly to make sure they are complying. On top of that bipolar is a very outward disease so a lot of times they don't even notice their own behavior...it's like they have tunnel vision and can't focus on anyone but themselves and how they are feeling. Luckily Jonathan's therapist let him record the session on his phone for me to listen to later. Most therapists won't do that for liability reasons but she knew how important it was that I am involved in the therapy process. Anyway...the session went incredibly well. It was basically Jonathan giving her his history and background. She recommended a book called "Loving Someone With Bipolar" which I'm eager to pick up so I can start reading! I think it's helping us just to know that we are taking more steps to further our progress and to get the support we need to make our marriage successful and to help us both in healing and moving forward. I have been having a REALLY rough time trying to get my schedule to work out with the therapist's but I can't wait until I can get in! I'm so lucky that Jonathan is complying so far with his medication and therapy treatments! I think that is what keeps me going...knowing that I'm important enough to him to push him to keep going. We'll keep you updated on the therapy progress as much as we can.

Life is so crazy right now with all this work and doctor stuff. I'm really trying to keep open about this which Jonathan is a big fan of because he knows how important it is for me to get the help and support I need and to be able to share our progress and our feelings openly. I'm making a huge effort to keep positive about things even though it's a really tough spot we're in. We're staying hopeful and just pushing forward. Hopefully we'll have a normal-ish life in the future and things won't be so intense. Wish us luck!!!

My Husband Has Bipolar Disorder...It's Hard But I Love Him

So lately my friends and family have probably thought that I am crazy because I'm either really high up or really low and depressed. I was only telling close friends and family about this because I felt that it was something that didn't need to be public knowledge or that it was something that I could handle on my own. I am finding more and more every day that I need help and support just as much as he needs help. Bipolar Disorder is a HORRIBLE mental illness that not very many people understand. Sure you hear that they have vicious mood swings but they don't really realize how difficult or serious it really is until you have had to live with it day in and day out. I am still learning about it and I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the issues that arise from it.

Jonathan was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder a few months after we got engaged so it was a little less than a year ago. He has what's called Rapid Cycle Bipolar Disorder. I have to admit that it was an incredibly hard thing to take. We had always struggled in our relationship...even when we were dating. We would have times where everything was amazing and we got along perfectly and there were times that I didn't even think I could possibly consider marrying him. We would fight the most intense fights I've ever fought in my life. I thought he had a temper problem. I was so wrong. Even when he was diagnosed I didn't really realize what I was getting myself into. I just thought, "Oh...intense mood swings...I can handle that" but I was so wrong.

The doctor decided to start him out on Lamictal which is a mood stabilizer also used for people with epilepsy. She also prescribed an anti-depressant that many of you have heard of, I'm sure, Zoloft. I noticed an IMMEDIATE difference. The mood swings got a little less intense and they were spread a tiny bit further apart. Since he was diagnosed and is now being treated for Bipolar I am trying to research more into the disease itself. The doctor also recommended that I come to ALL of his appointments because one of the problems with Bipolar is that their perceptions are completely off and they can't see what is really happening in life. I started going with him to his doctor appointments regularly. She has taught me a lot of facts about Bipolar that I had NO idea about. She told me about the personality issues that come along with the disorder and everything started making sense why we weren't getting along so well all the time.

Some of the key symptoms I've learned about include: incomparable irresponsibility, skewed perception of reality, feeling unusually “high” and optimistic OR extremely irritable, unrealistic beliefs about one’s abilities or powers, sleeping very little but feeling extremely energetic, Racing thoughts or jumping quickly from one idea to the next, highly distractible, impaired judgment and impulsiveness, acting recklessly without thinking about the consequences, delusions and hallucinations (in severe cases), feeling hopeless and sad or empty, inability to experience pleasure, fatigue or loss of energy, physical and mental sluggishness, appetite or weight changes, concentration and memory problems, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, thoughts of death or suicide, etc. The list goes on and on and on. You can read more about the behaviors here.

Some of the other things our doctor has informed us about is the fact that most people wouldn't even know that there is something wrong with him. She says that the people who suffer the most are the ones that love them the most or are the closest to them. She told us some incredibly scary statistics about it. She told us that there was a study done among Bipolars regarding marriage. Of 10,000 Bipolars studied...8,500 of them were divorced from their spouses within the first 3 years. The odds of a marriage lasting with one of the partners with this illness are so scary to think about. She told us that the majority of people with Bipolar end up committing suicide. They are prone to alcoholism and drug abuse. They are most of the time non-compliant with medication. Their sex drives are out of control (she calls this the Koala Bear effect...holds on and never lets go...haha...I thought that was a funny way to put it). They usually are the meanest to their spouses...not just mean, either, flat out horrible. There are SO many symptoms/behaviors involved with this disorder. Sometimes they are incredibly productive and energetic and happy (manic phase) and sometimes they are so depressed and unable to function (depressive phase). Sometimes they can be a little of both (mixed phase).

I have seen almost every symptom full force with Jonathan. It is incredibly hard to deal with. Sometimes we get along so well and sometimes it's unbearable to be in the same room. The reason I am posting all of this information is partly because I have been trying to keep this pretty quiet because I felt that it would be burdening others to talk about it (and honestly all that has been doing is burdening me). I also feel that it is necessary for my friends and family to understand me and why I act strangely sometimes or why he acts strangely sometimes. This is not something that will just go away. It's a constant battle and the more I read about it the more I learn that. I came across this site tonight after a small fight that we had and I honestly have learned a lot about how important it is to educate yourself and your family and friends about the illness.

I never realized how much support I needed and I think another part of the reason why I am posting this tonight is because I NEED the support and understanding of my loved ones. Dealing with this quietly and on my own has only made me feel isolated from the rest of the world. I have learned from this that I need to seek support and help for myself if I'm ever going to be successful at helping Jonathan with his illness and keeping our marriage from falling apart. Things have been pretty hard for us lately so we are trying to take the next steps. Jonathan will be seeing a Psychiatrist in September to better diagnose and medicate as opposed to seeing a family practitioner who doesn't specialize in mental illness. He starts therapy on Monday afternoon (which my doctor would also like me to join him in doing so I can help him and myself) which will help him learn to express himself in a more calm manner instead of screaming at me all the time or ignoring me completely. I am really trying to look for ways that I can find support for myself like maybe joining a support group or finding better/healthier ways to live so it can help us both be strong enough to get through the rough times of the disorder. We are both trying to make an effort to treat this so that we can have a more normal lifestyle. It won't ever really be normal but we can try to make it a little closer to normal.

I just wanted to let my family and friends know that although I may be acting anti-social or withdrawn...it's one hundred percent because I am dealing with this disorder and I am not just being difficult for no reason. I think, for me, some of the hardest parts of this are people think that I'm the one causing problems at home and I'm the one who makes life difficult for us but it really only looks that way because Jonathan can't express his feelings or thoughts openly with anyone. Not because he's scared but because he doesn't know how. He doesn't even realize how he's treating others most of the time. I have heard all sorts of marriage advice from people around me that think I'm just not being a good wife or that I'm not doing my best to be what he needs and really it is the disorder wreaking havoc on us.

I really hope that you understand what I'm trying to say. I'm not here to get a pity party or to burden anyone with my issues. I just felt it necessary and important to voice what we've been going through so that we aren't misunderstood any further. I am very often misunderstood and I just wanted and needed to get this out. We need the love and support from our families and friends. I may sound very negative to some of you but I am honestly feeling optimistic about the whole thing. It's hard to deal with on a day to day basis, yes, but I do think that if we continue to seek treatment and work on finding ways to cope with it then we will be just fine. I really struggle with this but I am strong and I am determined to get through this. I have to come to terms with the fact that he will never be cured...we can only treat the symptoms so they aren't as extreme. This isn't something that will just go away with time and medication but we're hoping that it won't be as intense if we treat it properly and get the help we need. Thank you so much for reading this...I know it's a long post but it's very important to me that others are "kept in the loop" about things. I am not a secretive person. I am an open book and maybe I'm a little too open for most people but it's part of who I am. Thank you for listening to me for so long. I really do appreciate anyone who reads this. I know that not many people do. Thanks to those who are supporting me by reading and commenting on my blog. It means more to me than you could ever know.

Colonoscopy & Audit In The Same Week...NO FUN...But Karma Can Be Sweet!

So I had a sorta rough week this week. Monday I was forced to consume only clear liquids....I wasn't allowed ANY solid foods in preparation for my colonoscopy on Tuesday morning. I have never taken a laxative before and man I could definitely live without it...I was SO sick all day and night on Monday.

On Tuesday I woke up and was almost excited to get to the hospital for the procedure! I wanted to feel better again and I hadn't slept that night before so being put to sleep and feeling better when I woke up sounded incredibly amazing to me! I got to the hospital and they got me all checked in and asleep I went....AHHHH, BLISS!!! I guess when I was starting to come to I started groaning like my body was saying..."PLEASE DON'T WAKE ME UP!!!" I do that on mornings when it's time to wake up and I REALLY wish I could stay asleep. I got home and rested as much as I could but I still wasn't feeling great. Better, but not great.

Wednesday I went back to work. I was scheduled for an open to close shift. On my way to work I received a text from my coworker that she thinks that the auditors are in the parking lot. OH GREAT!!! Come back from a medical procedure to a crappy shift AND auditors!!! It is an incredibly stressful day when you have auditors at work because they follow you around all day long to make sure you are doing your job right and they breathe down your neck while they search for any mistakes that you make. They interview you and ask you all these questions one on one and it is incredibly intimidating. I got scared...and I said some REALLY stupid answers because of it. Thank goodness our auditor had mercy on me because she watched me more than the rest of the tellers since I'm the vault teller and have more responsibility than the rest of them and she saw that I really do know what I'm doing. She said she'd overlook the few stupid responses I had....WHEW!!!

Today was day 2 of the audit and I felt it went better than day 1. It was still incredibly stressful but at least I had more of my head with me today. It was a VERY long day today but I'm thankful that for me the audit is over. I took tomorrow off as a vacation day a couple weeks ago and I'm SO glad I did. I get to miss out on day 3 of the audit!!! YAY!!! We'll find out the results of the audit (whether we passed or failed) in about 15 days or so. Hopefully we did well.

Off the subject...I had a brush with Karma the other day and I'm LOVING it!!! Ok...every once in a while I curse Karma because it bit me in the butt but it's never been too bad to me...this time...Karma is on MY side!!! So about a week or two ago I applied for a job that I would KILL for...and I didn't even get an interview because of the recruiter. I wrote the recruiter an email saying that I felt she made a mistake, that I believe I'm perfect for the job and that I can do it, etc. She wrote me back an INCREDIBLY condescending email about why she doesn't think I'm qualified and that she thinks that I will not be good for the job, etc. From the way the email sounded...it was like she took offense to my questioning her decision to cut me out of the applicants who were to be interviewed for the position. I didn't write it in an offensive way...I was basically begging her to give me a second chance. She shot me down and then treated me like I was a five year old who didn't know how recruiting worked. So I let it go. I didn't want to keep arguing with her...I told her how I felt and made my peace with her decision to cut me regardless.

Yesterday the woman from the department that I applied for (who was the one who told me to apply in the first place and who was one of the interviewers for that position) went up to Jonathan and told him that ALL of the applicants the recruiter sent her bombed. She said there were 85 applicants and of those 13 of them were sent by the recruiter to be interviewed. They did a phone interview with those 13 and of those 2 of them made it to a formal interview...BOTH of them washed out. They didn't like EITHER ONE!!! So they talked to the recruiter and said they wanted to repost the position lowering the minimum requirements so that they can find someone who will fit the position better than any of the ones she sent them. She also told Jonathan that she wants me to resubmit my resume for the same position and try again. WHAT?!!! Yeah....Karma lady!!! Be nice to people and give people a chance...or at least be respectful of them and don't be so condescending!!! So I resubmitted my resume tonight as soon as the posting showed up again and we'll see how it goes. I would absolutely LOVE this job...it would be perfect!!! It would be a five dollar an hour raise for me and it's 8-5 Mon-Fri with benefits and it's an office setting with nice people and I'd get a desk and a chair (I'm partial to jobs with chairs since they took our chairs away from us at the bank and we are expected to stand for 40 hours a week)!!! I would be ECSTATIC to get that job...or even to get an interview for that job...but I am still happy that not one of those people that she claimed were SO qualified for that job didn't get it. I know that's sorta bad but it's just one of those things. Funny thing is I sorta had a feeling that something was going to happen like that...I thought either the person they hired would get fired or quit within a few weeks because they couldn't handle it or that they wouldn't be able to find someone. I just had that feeling.

I'm feeling incredibly lucky to have a second chance at this job, though. I feel like it's a sign or something. I really think that job would do me a LOT of good. It would be an incredibly experience to have on my resume and it would get me into the medical field which is something I've been wanting to do (especially lately since I discovered the dietetics program). I really hope that this time I get an interview but I'm trying not to get my hopes up again because it will be the same recruiter that I questioned and she may just have it out for me now since she probably feels I insulted her expertise. Hopefully she's better than that, though. I would really like a fair shot at this job!!! Wish me luck!!!

I Hate To Admit It...

But it's true...next Tuesday I'm going in for a Colonoscopy. :-( I'm SO not excited! About four or five years ago I had two emergency surgeries. The first was March 8 (I think) and it was an emergency surgery due to appendicitis...my appendix was about to burst. I was in the hospital for a few days for that one and then exactly ten days later (the 18th) I was chilling out at home still trying to recover from the appendectomy and mid afternoon it hit me... EXCRUCIATING pain in my abdomen AGAIN. I called my now ex-husband to call 911 because he was at work and there was something seriously wrong with me that couldn't wait for him to drive 25 minutes home to pick me up then take me. The ambulance showed up at my apartment and the EMT's came in to see me lying on the floor in a ball writhing. They rushed me to the hospital and I was in the ER for 8 1/2 hours while they ran test after test after test trying to figure out what was wrong with me. They couldn't give me anything much for the pain so that I could describe the pain to them better so they could try to narrow it down but it was the entire abdomen that was killing me so it was pretty pointless. All they could find was a MASSIVE amount of white blood cells working overtime, a pretty large cyst on my left ovary, and that there was food floating freely in my abdomen...NOT good! Finally they called in a surgeon and he, furious that they waited so long to call him, set up and exploratory surgery to find out what was wrong. They prepped me for surgery and then I was out. Two hours later the surgeon went to talk to my ex-husband about his findings. He went in through three small incisions and first he popped the cyst to make sure that wasn't the problem. It wasn't...just a ton of clear fluid. He cleaned out the location of where my appendix used to be of all the dead tissue (which my body would've taken care of eventually anyway). He cleaned out my entire abdomen of all food and digestive fluids that were floating around freely in there and found a hole in my intestine. Yeah...it's a serious condition called Peritonitis. I was pretty close to being on my death bed. He also said that my cecum looked pretty bad so they cut part of that out and fixed the hole in my intestine. I know what you are all thinking...obviously the previous surgeon poked a hole in my intestine in the first surgery...yes...I am a full believer that it is EXACTLY what happened to me. I was in the hospital this time for about two weeks then it took an additional bedrest recovery of about two more weeks. I was in bed for almost an entire month! NOT fun!

Anyway the point of that story is that I was pretty normal and healthy and it seems like that was the turning point for me. Ever since then I've been finding things wrong with my body a lot more. I won't tell you all the details about what I've been dealing with as far as my symptoms but it just seems that I've been getting sick a WHOLE LOT more since then. I haven't really had the funding or the time to pursue it really because of the divorce and my recent marriage (both of which are INCREDIBLY expensive...lol). I mentioned it to my doctor the other night and to my surprise she ordered a colonoscopy to make sure that everything is working properly. I'm beyond nervous for this procedure!!! I am just hoping that it's nothing serious and that if they do find anything it's not going to be a big deal. I'm trying to stay positive about it because it's a little scary when you read about the "complications" that can occur and one of the complications is exactly what happened to me a few years prior. I'm sure everything will be fine but there's just that small shadow of a doubt. I just hope it all goes well...it's not in my hands so I'm trusting the man upstairs to look out for me! :D

On a happier note...I am going for something that I'm super nervous but excited for. I don't want to say just yet what it is because I'm TERRIFIED of jinxing it! I am really putting myself out there and I'm playing the waiting game right now but I'm staying incredibly positive and hopeful about the whole situation. I'm hoping that it works out but even if it doesn't I'm just incredibly proud of myself for doing such a scary thing and really stepping out of my comfort zone!! I am one who has an incredibly hard time with change and it is one of those things that makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I am so glad that I'm pushing myself though. It's good for me to get out of my comfort zone every once in a while and do something risky! Hopefully it all works out, though, and I will be able to disclose it soon! :D Wish me luck!!!!

Man...

I'm starting to feel like I'm posting to an invisible audience.

Wedding Day Pictures Are Here!!!!

I'm SO excited because we just got our wedding pictures back this weekend and they are BEAUTIFUL!!! ShaiLynn is SO talented and she did such a great job!!! She gave us SO many pictures!!! 419 PICTURES!!! I am SO excited!!! Of course I can't post all of those because that is just way too many so HERE are my favorites!!!

That day was absolutely perfect and we really enjoyed seeing everyone there to show their support and love! It was an absolutely PERFECT day!! The flowers that Jacqueline did were absolutely amazing!!! It was so beautiful and I'm so glad that we have these beautiful reminders of what an amazing day that was!!! Thank you ShaiLynn for capturing our perfect day!!! And thank you to everyone else who worked so hard on that day:

Hair & Makeup: Jamie Anderson
Cake: Randi Hillaker (and her mom, Diane, and sister, Katie)
Officiant: Bob Anger (Randi's Dad)
Videographer: Brandon Evans
Catering: LDS Hospital (Special thanks to Nicole Emmett)
DJ: Highspeed DJ (DJ Mark Lofgren)
Our Wedding Party: Tim, Rob, Shaun, Eric, Carl, JB, Heather, Jenny, Amy, Amanda, Wendy, and Laura

Honeymoon Tragedy and Bridals!!!

Ok so the honeymoon was fantastic...but it didn't last long. Unfortunately on Monday we came back early from our honeymoon because Sunday I was incredibly ill and by that evening I was throwing up. :( It was so sad. By morning I was just so ready to go home. I think it was just all the stress of the wedding and the heat and being away from home that all hit me at once and I was done for. I was fine until Sunday. Friday we checked into our beautiful hotel room; Saturday we wandered through Mandalay Bay (where we spent a small fortune on the most frivolous items ever: flip flops), the Luxor, Excalibur, and MGM Grand. We had lunch in the Luxor at the Pyramid Cafe and it was delicious!!! We ended up spending most of our money on room service...their menu was SPECTACULAR!!!! I'll have to download the video we took of our amazing room sometime. Unfortunately the fun didn't last. :( We came home and all week we've been moving my stuff into Jonathan's apartment and getting settled in. Today we got cable and internet installed so I am a happy camper!!! I can now check blogs and facebook on a regular basis and hopefully post more!!! YAY!!!! So tragedy on the honeymoon but it all ended up ok. :D Now we have more time to start out together and relax!!!

Other than the honeymoon tragedy we are excitedly awaiting the day where I receive my marriage license in the mail so I can go legally change my name and for our wedding pictures to arrive!!! Since I don't have my wedding pictures to post yet I figure I'll post some of my favorite shots from my bridals!!! ShaiLynn is a good friend I've known since jr. high and she is AMAZING!!! She did the engagements, bridals, and wedding and I can't wait to see how the wedding pictures turned out! Here's a few of my favorite bridals!!!

WE'RE MARRIED!!!!!! The Wedding Day Details!!!!

I'm SO excited that the day has come!!! We finally got married!!!! It was the absolute most perfect day of my life so far and I am incredibly happy with it!!! The day started out kinda rainy and I was behind schedule but we got my hair and makeup done on time!!! My friend from my old college cosmetology/barbering class, Jamie Anderson, was responsible for my hair and makeup and she did an amazing job!!! I felt so beautiful because of her!!! After I left her salon I headed down to Noah's in South Jordan (www.mynoahs.com) so I could get dressed and ready for the ceremony to be held there at 2:30pm.

Everything was running pretty smoothly but we had a few small hangups in the preparation so we ended up starting the ceremony at about ten to 3pm. It was ok, though, because I was craving my weakness...Coca-Cola Classic!!! Good thing Jonathan's beautiful mom is incredibly sweet and sent one of the groomsmen, Carl (who has been Jonathan's friend since grade school and traveled here from AZ to be there for him) to go on a coke run!!! THANK YOU CARL AND KAREN!!! It was much needed and greatly appreciated! It was a beautiful service!!! It was short and sweet...maybe thirty minutes. My good friend from work, Randi, (who made the cake for me even though she was due to be induced the day of the wedding) offered her father who is a baptist preacher to officiate the marriage. He did an AMAZING job!!! It was absolutely fantastic!!! Randi's mom and sister had to deliver the cake and finish decorating it with the flowers the day of the wedding obviously but it looked PERFECT!!! Her family really helped us out on this whole wedding and we really appreciate everything they did! (She ended up having the baby I think around 8pm!!! SO cute!!! Congrats Randi!!!) We recorded the ceremony so we could have that reminder of it. I walked down the aisle with my Dad to the song Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars (that song gives me chills every time and I don't care how cliche it is). When the ceremony finished we walked down the aisle together for the first time as husband and wife to the song Marry You also by Bruno Mars (again, cliche, but I don't care...it was perfect).

After the ceremony concluded the guests mingled while we sneaked out to take a few shots with our AWESOME photographer, ShaiLynn Draper (www.shailynnphotography.com). We had an amazing luncheon after that including a choice of Rosemary Chicken or Chili Rubbed Mahi served with an AMAZING risotto with caramelized shallots and herb infused olive oil. There were also sides of roasted red potatoes, steamed carrots and asparagus and a spring mix salad with a beautiful balsamic vinaigrette. The beverages that were served were a blended raspberry lemonade and a white grape spritzer. The food was AMAZING and it was catered by Jonathan's work...LDS Hospital. Yes...hospital food that tastes FANTASTIC!!! It's true!!!

When the luncheon ended, the DJ, Mark Lofgren (Highspeed DJ), started playing the music for the reception as the LDS hospital staff served a beautiful spread including an amazing antipasti platter, a meat & cheese platter, and an amazing assortment of fruit. They also served a decadent chocolate cup dessert platter filled with a chocolate mousse that Jonathan made himself and mixed with chopped strawberries and raspberries!!! It was TO DIE FOR!!!! They did such a great job!!!

As guests started showing up we chatted and laughed and danced. It was incredibly fun to see all of my friends and family and meet new people. We all had a really good time!! We cut the cake, threw the bouquet, and tossed the garter about halfway through the ceremony and it was all fun!! We danced our first dance to Halo by Beyonce (yes...I know...I'm SO cliche with the music...again...DON'T care). My dad and his mom cut in about halfway through the song and then with about a quarter of the song left my dad danced with his mom while we finished our first dance as husband and wife. The decorations were EXACTLY how I had imagined them in my head! It was so beautiful and the entire day was just PERFECT!!!

After the guests started leaving I went to get changed and we all cleaned up and went our separate ways. Jonathan and I headed to the hotel to check in and get our things put away before we went out to meet some of his family and friends over at Habit's (a bar) for karaoke night. We had two cokes and took off to go back to the hotel for the night. We had an awesome time but we were exhausted!!! We didn't tell them til we checked out but we stayed at the same hotel as his mom and stepdad!!! HAHAHA They didn't even know until we called them on our way out!!!

This morning we got up and took our time getting ready and packed up. When we checked out we realized that we had forgotten a few things both at my mom's house and his apartment so we made those stops before we took off for the honeymoon. We got sidetracked, though, when we were getting closer to the District....we ended up stopping at Target and Rue 21 for a pre-honeymoon splurge!!! Hahaha!!! I got a whole bunch of summer shirts and he got Criminal Minds Season 5 (our favorite show) and a couple pairs of shorts and some cologne for the trip. We figured we packed too much cold season stuff and didn't have enough warm weather gear for where we were going! We finished at about 11 am and hit the road on our way to Vegas!!! The drive wasn't too bad...we made a few stops and switched drivers a few times (neither one of us really enjoys driving and I was exhausted and was in desperate need of a nap at one point). We made it at about 5 pm and it was a good thing!!! Hahaha.

We checked in at our hotel and let me tell you...IT IS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!!!! Jonathan's best man, Tim, got this hotel all set up for us so all we had to do was pay when we left! He did SUCH a good job because the room we are in is INCREDIBLE!!!! It's a suite on the 10th floor of the Renaissance Marriott hotel near the convention center out here! We took a video tour of the hotel room so maybe if I can figure out how to work the camera I will post it on here when we get back!!! The staff here is absolutely amazing and we are being treated like royalty and getting star treatment!!! The views of the strip are absolutely amazing!!! So far we are having a really really great time!!! Tonight we are planning to just take it easy and relax because it has been such a busy and stressful three months...we're just going to lay back and relax this week and wander the strip. I'll post more about it later but I've already written a novel so I am going to go spend some time with my new hubby!!! I LOVE that we can start our lives together now and I'm so excited for what lies ahead!!! I'll post more pictures of my bridals, the wedding, and our honeymoon as soon as I can!!! Can't wait to share them with you!! Thank you to all of our families and friends who have made this whole experience absolutely perfect!!! We are one hundred percent satisfied with the whole wedding and honeymoon experience and we appreciate all of the hard work that went into this for us! Thank you so much!!! We love you all!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm really beginning to feel the pressure!!! It's the final countdown to the wedding day and I'm feeling so many emotions! I'm so excited, stressed, scared, happy, anxious, etc...the list goes on and on. We've worked so incredibly hard on this and we've come so far. Now it's crunch time and things are getting incredibly tense for me. Part of me is really excited and calm and part of me is chaotic and scared. This is such a HUGE step for me...I thought it was scary the first time I got married...second time around is far more terrifying. Don't get me wrong...I'm SUPER excited but I can't help but feel nervous! I scheduled myself off only one day before the wedding...I'm really starting to regret that. I work Monday and Tuesday and I'm wishing I gave myself those two days to run all of my last minute errands and take care of things at home before the big move and name change process. Hopefully I can get a lot of it done this weekend so I won't feel as stressed come Monday and Tuesday. Now I'm rambling so I'll end this now but I just needed to vent a bit! Wish us luck!!!

Did You See?!!!

Did you see our wedding day ticker on the right of this page?!!! TWO WEEKS AND THREE DAYS!!!! We're SO close now!!! The countdown begins!!!

The Last Four Months

Wow...I really suck at this posting on my blog business!! Hopefully I'll get better at it soon!!! So to update you on the last four months...

In January we had my mom's birthday, in February was Amy's, March was Jonathan's and April is mine.  It's sort of a family tradition to take each other out to dinner where the birthday person chooses then have some sort of dessert (usually cake) with ice cream afterwards. It's always a fun time and it's sort of the highlight of each month to have a birthday to celebrate together!!

In February Jonathan and I took our engagement pictures!!! We went to Gardner Village to shoot them and then headed to a little home decor shop off of 8th West for a few more. Our photographer, ShaiLynn, is the absolute best!! I was freaking out because two days before the shoot I got a big fat cold sore on the corner of my upper lip and it was swollen up so bad!!! ShaiLynn did SUCH a good job...you can't even tell I ever had a cold sore and the pictures turned out beautifully!! Here are a few of my favorites!!

This past four months has been dedicated to working hard to prepare for our wedding next month!!!  We've only got three weeks left and we're so close to having everything done!!  I just had my bridals shoot on Saturday and I'm SO excited to see how they turn out!!!  I'm sure I'll be posting those pictures as soon as I receive them and when that happens Jonathan will be banned from the internet so he doesn't "accidentally" see the dress before the big day!!!  We are so excited and it is going to be such a big day for both of us!!!

As far as everything else goes...we're both just working hard.  Jonathan is the head chef at LDS Hospital and he works really hard at it.  He loves his job which is really nice!  I still work at the bank and working hard at that.  Other than that there's really nothing too exciting happening with us other than planning the wedding.  It'll be nice when the day comes and we can relax and start doing other fun things!!  I promise I'm going to try to post more often after the wedding...our first goal is to get a handle on the bills then the second we have any breathing room we're getting cable and internet!!!  Hopefully it won't take too long!  See ya soon  :D

Happy New Year!!!

I'm so glad the new year has started!!! I feel like this is a clean break so I can start fresh!!! I am constantly working on myself but I actually do have a few New Year's Resolutions this year! I'm going to try my hardest to be less of a spender and try to pay off debt this year. I'm going to try to be a better person (I've been working on this one since my divorce) and try to be more patient and understanding. I just really want to work harder to make my life better and be more pleasant for those who surround me. I realize that this is a lot to work on but I think I can do it if I just stay positive! Hopefully it works out!!! Wish me luck and enjoy your new year's celebrations!!!