I Hate To Admit It...

But it's true...next Tuesday I'm going in for a Colonoscopy. :-( I'm SO not excited! About four or five years ago I had two emergency surgeries. The first was March 8 (I think) and it was an emergency surgery due to appendicitis...my appendix was about to burst. I was in the hospital for a few days for that one and then exactly ten days later (the 18th) I was chilling out at home still trying to recover from the appendectomy and mid afternoon it hit me... EXCRUCIATING pain in my abdomen AGAIN. I called my now ex-husband to call 911 because he was at work and there was something seriously wrong with me that couldn't wait for him to drive 25 minutes home to pick me up then take me. The ambulance showed up at my apartment and the EMT's came in to see me lying on the floor in a ball writhing. They rushed me to the hospital and I was in the ER for 8 1/2 hours while they ran test after test after test trying to figure out what was wrong with me. They couldn't give me anything much for the pain so that I could describe the pain to them better so they could try to narrow it down but it was the entire abdomen that was killing me so it was pretty pointless. All they could find was a MASSIVE amount of white blood cells working overtime, a pretty large cyst on my left ovary, and that there was food floating freely in my abdomen...NOT good! Finally they called in a surgeon and he, furious that they waited so long to call him, set up and exploratory surgery to find out what was wrong. They prepped me for surgery and then I was out. Two hours later the surgeon went to talk to my ex-husband about his findings. He went in through three small incisions and first he popped the cyst to make sure that wasn't the problem. It wasn't...just a ton of clear fluid. He cleaned out the location of where my appendix used to be of all the dead tissue (which my body would've taken care of eventually anyway). He cleaned out my entire abdomen of all food and digestive fluids that were floating around freely in there and found a hole in my intestine. Yeah...it's a serious condition called Peritonitis. I was pretty close to being on my death bed. He also said that my cecum looked pretty bad so they cut part of that out and fixed the hole in my intestine. I know what you are all thinking...obviously the previous surgeon poked a hole in my intestine in the first surgery...yes...I am a full believer that it is EXACTLY what happened to me. I was in the hospital this time for about two weeks then it took an additional bedrest recovery of about two more weeks. I was in bed for almost an entire month! NOT fun!

Anyway the point of that story is that I was pretty normal and healthy and it seems like that was the turning point for me. Ever since then I've been finding things wrong with my body a lot more. I won't tell you all the details about what I've been dealing with as far as my symptoms but it just seems that I've been getting sick a WHOLE LOT more since then. I haven't really had the funding or the time to pursue it really because of the divorce and my recent marriage (both of which are INCREDIBLY expensive...lol). I mentioned it to my doctor the other night and to my surprise she ordered a colonoscopy to make sure that everything is working properly. I'm beyond nervous for this procedure!!! I am just hoping that it's nothing serious and that if they do find anything it's not going to be a big deal. I'm trying to stay positive about it because it's a little scary when you read about the "complications" that can occur and one of the complications is exactly what happened to me a few years prior. I'm sure everything will be fine but there's just that small shadow of a doubt. I just hope it all goes well...it's not in my hands so I'm trusting the man upstairs to look out for me! :D

On a happier note...I am going for something that I'm super nervous but excited for. I don't want to say just yet what it is because I'm TERRIFIED of jinxing it! I am really putting myself out there and I'm playing the waiting game right now but I'm staying incredibly positive and hopeful about the whole situation. I'm hoping that it works out but even if it doesn't I'm just incredibly proud of myself for doing such a scary thing and really stepping out of my comfort zone!! I am one who has an incredibly hard time with change and it is one of those things that makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I am so glad that I'm pushing myself though. It's good for me to get out of my comfort zone every once in a while and do something risky! Hopefully it all works out, though, and I will be able to disclose it soon! :D Wish me luck!!!!